Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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