On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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