Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
