It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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