my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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