last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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