I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
