I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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