Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
