She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
