I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
