Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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