The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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