Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In other news, I just burned my penis
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
