i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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