I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
