there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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