two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
