I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
