so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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