what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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