I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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