I think my fart just growled at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
