I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
