Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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