"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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