Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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