I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
