Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
