apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
