Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize