yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
