That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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