East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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