So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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