god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We left the knife in your bed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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