So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and she was petting her beer can
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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