Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
