guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
