he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
