am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
