Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
