I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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