There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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