Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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