I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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