Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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