Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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