Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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