If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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