1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
