i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
