She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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