new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
