it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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