I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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