If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
