Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
not ubering you a puppy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
