Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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