Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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