i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Houston, we have a blender
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
