oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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