First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
