how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
