every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
