Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
