I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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