Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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