i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
