we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
