the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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