Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
