in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
