A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
