I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
