you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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