I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
