so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
