your thong is hanging out like whoa
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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