just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My feet surprised me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
