I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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