This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize