i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
