I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
