my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
