In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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