Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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