A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
