Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
