Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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