Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
