it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
