I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
