I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize