I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
