I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
